How to Tell If Your Child is Gifted — and What to Do About It

By Nicola Killops

It doesn’t always start with a perfect report card.
In fact, it rarely does.

It starts with the child who feels everything.
The one who couldn’t tolerate tags in their clothes as a toddler. Who noticed when you changed shampoo. Who melted down in noisy places, lit up around adults, and asked questions like, “What happens to time when you die?” before they could tie their shoelaces.

It starts with curiosity that doesn’t switch off. With memory that feels eerie. With a sense of humour that’s three steps ahead. It starts with intensity — emotional, intellectual, sometimes sensory — that feels bigger than their little body can hold.

And sometimes… it starts with confusion.

Because that same child might be struggling to recognise letters. Or speak clearly. Or follow instructions in a group. They might be in speech therapy at four, or still avoiding scissors in Grade R. They might be profoundly bright — but not in the ways most people expect.

That’s where many of us begin the journey: not with certainty, but with a flicker of doubt. A voice saying, “There’s something here. Something more.”
And often, we’re right.

So… What Does Gifted Actually Look Like?

Forget the stereotypes. Giftedness isn’t about skipping grades or doing algebra in Grade 2. It’s not a trophy. It’s a lens — a way of experiencing the world that’s faster, deeper, more complex, and often more emotionally charged than peers of the same age.

Here’s what it can look like — especially in younger children:

• Asynchronous development: Your child might speak like a small philosopher but still have tantrums like a toddler. They might grasp complex moral ideas but not be able to tie their shoes or organise their backpack. This “out-of-sync” development is classic in gifted kids.
• Overexcitabilities: These are heightened intensities — emotional, sensory, imaginational, intellectual, or psychomotor. You’ll see big reactions to small changes, extreme curiosity, perfectionism, a deep need for fairness, and a sensory radar that picks up everything.
• Unusual memory or connections: Gifted kids often recall events from years back in eerie detail, or draw abstract links between ideas that seem advanced for their age (e.g. “Does my dog know what forever means if he’s never had a calendar?”).
• Intense need for meaning: These kids aren’t content with “just because.” They want to know why things are the way they are — not just in science class, but in life. Expect questions about the universe, death, ethics, and infinity before breakfast.
• Hyperfocus on passions: If they love dinosaurs, they’ll know 67 species and correct you when you say “Brontosaurus.” If it’s space, you’ll be comparing rocket fuels by Thursday.

And sometimes — especially in twice-exceptional (2E) kids — these signs show up alongside real challenges.
Speech delays. Auditory processing issues. ADHD. Dyslexia. Autism.
They can mask each other. A child may be so bright that their struggles are overlooked, or so challenged that their brilliance is doubted.

That’s why giftedness doesn’t always look gifted. Sometimes it looks like anxiety. Sometimes it looks like laziness. Sometimes it looks like a preschool teacher telling you, “We’re a bit worried he’s not keeping up with the others.”
But you know what you’ve seen.
And it’s okay to trust that.

“Should I Get Them Assessed?” (A Very Fair Question)

A formal psychoeducational assessment can be incredibly helpful — not for labelling, but for understanding. It gives you a window into how your child learns, processes, responds, and navigates the world. It can also offer clarity in cases where strengths and challenges blur the picture.

When assessments help:

• You’re trying to determine why your child is struggling in school, despite signs of high ability.
• You suspect twice-exceptionality and need a full profile.
• You need formal documentation for accommodations.
• You want to know how best to support them, not just where they are on a bell curve.

When they’re not urgent:

• Your child is thriving, emotionally balanced, and feels safe and seen.
• You’re already in a school that adapts to individual needs without needing formal reports.
• You’re exploring things intuitively and feel well-supported doing so.

Remember, an assessment is a tool — not a verdict.
And giftedness doesn’t always show up cleanly on a graph. It shows up in nuance, in contradiction, in the child who’s years ahead in one area and struggling in another. Find a psychologist who gets that. Someone who sees past the scores and helps you understand the soul.

How to Support Your Child Without Turning Them Into a Project

This one’s personal.

As a parent of a profoundly gifted, dyslexic, autistic child, I’ve walked the tightrope between fierce advocacy and stage-mom panic. It’s easy to get swept up in the potential. To Google schools, programs, learning pathways, enrichment courses. To want to do something about their brightness.

But what gifted kids need isn’t pressure.
It’s presence.

Here’s what helps:

• Let them deep-dive into interests. If they want to memorise Greek mythology or build volcanoes every weekend, let them. Obsessions are often self-regulation tools.
• Protect their down time. These brains burn fast and hot. Boredom and rest are not enemies — they’re essential.
• Model emotional language. Gifted kids can feel misunderstood, alone, or intense. Help them name and make sense of their feelings.
• Celebrate effort. Not everything needs to be brilliant. Mistakes matter. Trying matters. Learning to lose matters.
• Normalise being different. Let them know they don’t have to blend in to belong.

They’re not here to impress the world. They’re here to be themselves. Let’s keep that front and centre.

When School is the Problem (Or Just Not the Solution)

Some schools are amazing. Many are trying. A few are harmful.

If your child is misunderstood, chronically anxious, or visibly shutting down in the classroom, it’s time to pay attention. You may hear phrases like:

• “They just need to try harder.”
• “They’re too sensitive.”
• “They’re bright, but they’re not applying themselves.”

Sound familiar?

Gifted and 2E children often get lost in schools that prioritise conformity. They’re either expected to carry on without support or are “managed” with behavioural strategies that miss the point entirely.

What you can do:

• Write an “About Me” letter. Share what helps, what triggers anxiety, what their strengths are.
• Ask for accommodations. These might include movement breaks, extra time, alternative formats, or a calm-down space.
• Meet with teachers early. Be collaborative, but clear. You’re not asking for special treatment — you’re asking for support.

And if the school simply won’t meet your child where they are?
You’re allowed to move on.
No school — no matter how prestigious — is worth your child’s wellbeing.

The Mindset That Matters Most

You don’t need to get this perfect. You don’t need a ten-step plan or a gifted parenting certificate.

You just need to see your child clearly — in all their brilliance, contradictions, quirks, and needs — and keep showing up.

You will doubt yourself.
You will get it wrong sometimes.
You will feel like the only parent in the room with this kind of child.
And then you’ll find others.
You’ll find us.
And you’ll realise: you’re not alone, and neither is your child.

Final Thoughts: See the Whole Child

Giftedness is not a destination. It’s a way of being in the world. A different tempo. A different texture.

Your job is not to harness it. It’s to hold it.

The real work of raising a gifted or 2E child is not about pushing potential — it’s about protecting personhood.

So let them be small. Let them be strange. Let them be magnificent and messy and loud and lost and luminous.

Let them be loved for who they are, not what they can do.

That’s where the journey begins.

About the Author
Nicola Killops is a writer, gifted education specialist, and neurodiversity advocate with a particular interest in twice-exceptional learners. As a mother to a profoundly neurodivergent son, her work blends lived experience with practical insight — helping parents and educators better understand the children who don’t fit the mould, but were never meant to.